Fred Rogers looked for the best in everybody.
His approach is encapsulated by one of his favorite quotes:
L’essentiel est invisible pour les yeux [what is essential is invisible to the eye].
—Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince
If you looked at the 8-year-old Rogers, you would have seen a shy, lonely, and overweight kid. He was a target for the bullies who one day chased him shouting, “We’re gonna get you! We’re gonna get you, fat Freddy!”
Author and friend Amy Hollingsworth believes this incident was the moment when the Mr. Rogers we know today was born. Years of sadness and processing the pain led Rogers to vow never to demean and to always find the essential in others—the invisible that mattered more than the visible.
Good Friends
Rogers always turned the lens toward others. Rather than pose for a photo or take a picture with fans, he often took their picture and mailed it along with a touching note.
People commonly describe their initial conversations with Rogers as having their questions turned back on them. A journalist once walked out of his office in mild shock feeling like he was the one who had been interviewed.
Rogers’ approach led to countless friendships. Any interaction beyond a passing hello could end with a decades-long correspondence. Read a biography of Rogers or watch a documentary about him and an unusually high percentage of interviewees are identified as friends.
It seems that friendship is just what happens when you look close enough to see good everywhere.
Good Neighbor
According to Hollingsworth, Rogers said he was angry and resentful toward the bullies for not seeing past his weight and shyness. It got to him when others overlooked the essential Fred—when they didn’t see the value he saw in himself.
In order to find the good in others, he had to first see it in himself. Seeing the best in yourself is an odd thing to do, but as Mr. Rogers put it:
“Evil would like nothing better than to have us feel awful about who we are.”
Sources
The Good Neighbor: The Life and Work of Fred Rogers by Maxwell King
“Can You Say…Hero?” by Tom Junod (skip the paywall here)
“The Mister Rogers No One Saw” by Jeanne Marie Laskas (skip the paywall here)
Mr. Rogers was the best kind of Oddball. I love the clip where he sings to Joan Rivers on the Tonight Show. You can see her go from slightly stunned and amused to genuinely touched. He cut through all the insecurity and facades. He was and still is one of my heroes.